It Started A Few Months Before Christmas
by Deceptionist
Summary: It started a few months before christmas, when Artemis Fowl was bored, and made the mistake of asking a certain elf for advice. Originally a one-shot. Not so much anymore.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey! It's 9 minutes to Christmas in my time, and this story was kind of supposed to be completed by then. Oh well. I'll ty harder next time. If ever. **

**Originally a one-shot, until my imagination got out of hand and it had chapters that exceeded 1. **

**This story is dedicated to my myserious Beta Reader, Lord Kelvin, who reminded me of Artemis Fowl th first time we...um...conversed.**

**Merry Christmas everyone! And have a happy new year.**

Artemis Fowl was bored. It was as simple as that. Or maybe not.

It was such a frighteningly rare occasion that the heir to the Fowl empire be bored that Butler was, well, frightened. Butler was Artemis's bodyguard, and did not make it a habit of being frightened. As it was, he was probably more shocked—and worried—than scared, though he didn't show it.

Butler didn't make it a habit of being emotional or showing expressions on his face, either.

Artemis took a sip of Earl Grey, set the teacup down, and got up to pace the room. The newspaper he had been browsing for the _third_ time fell from his lap to the carpeted floor of the study.

"I'm bored, Butler," he stated, a little obviously. His hands were behind his back, his figure framed by the bay window. His face was drawn. Usually, if all else failed, Artemis had his thoughts and schemes and plots to contend himself with. But ever since Holly Short the LEPrecon Captain—and his mother, to be honest—guilt-tripped him into rethinking his morals, Artemis felt obliged to be good. And not being able to plan dastardly deeds severely limited his things to do, at least in Artemis's opinion.

Aside from reading the newspaper thrice, Artemis had also skimmed through his collection of classic literature, psychology novels—this was very unusual, as Artemis had a photographic memory and never had to read anything twice—played at least twenty of his own piano compositions—twenty-three, actually, but who's counting?—and checked his bank accounts several times. And he was bored out of his mind.

In his entire extraordinary life, this had to be the most mundane day _ever_.

"Butler," he said, staring at the white clouds scudding across the sky that were rapidly turning gray, and the cerulean blue sky that was quickly being eaten up by the gray, and rolled his eyes.

"Get me a line to Holly," he said.

"Holly?" the giant manservant asked, confused.

"Yes, Holly," Artemis snapped impatiently. "The fairy elf: short, red hair, even shorter temper. Surely you remember her?" Artemis raised a thin eyebrow, knowing he was being unfair and irrational, but he was just so _bored_. Restless. His fingers twitched.

Butler nodded, acquiescing to Artemis's strange demand instantly. He was used to that.

"And another line to Police Plaza as well," he murmured, turning back to observe the scenery outside.

Butler paused at the door, looking like he was about to object, but seemed to decide against it. All he said was, "Yes, Master Artemis. But Holly was still on a recon mission the last time we checked, and—,"

Artemis didn't give him a chance to finish. "Holly should be done by now. She's the best and brightest. An hour is more than enough time for her to complete a simple mission."

Butler disappeared, the door sliding close. 10 minutes later, the door opened again, and Butler strode in. "Foaly says Holly's still occupied at the moment, but he'll pass on the message the instant she gets back." Foaly was a centaur, and the technical genius of the LEP—Lower Elements Police.

Artemis sighed in exasperation. Was there really nothing to do at all? What with Mother and Father off to Venice with the twins, Juliet doing her semi-finals for some pro-wrestling competition, and Holly back in recon. Even Mulch Diggums, that old reprobate, was somewhere in Boston, doing a little black market business of his own. He drummed his fingers into his arm and poised himself on the armrest, muttering, "If Minerva were here, she and I would have a nice long chat about the history of history."

He exhaled in a huff, just as invisible hands covered his eyes, and a voice in his ear whispered, "Boo!" just loud enough to make him start.

And start Artemis did. He nearly fell off his armrest, but quickly becoming visible hands grabbed him in time to save his Armani suit from becoming crumpled. Thank goodness.

"Holly!" he exclaimed happily. His dark blue eyes danced with mirth; _contacts, _Holly was certain. One of his eyes was actually hazel brown, like hers.

"First time I must have startled you, Mud Boy." She grinned.

Artemis sniffed, merriment replaced by his competitiveness instantly. "I saw you, Holly. Or rather, I heard you. You were buzzing right beside my ear," he lied perfectly through his flashing teeth.

Holly could pick up an Artemis lie from a mile away. "Liar," she declared. "Otherwise you wouldn't have fallen of your chair."

"I did not fall off. That was an acci—" Holly pressed two fingers to his lips, knowing that Artemis knew that she knew that he knew full well that he did not fall off only because she caught him.

"Shh. The great Artemis Fowl doesn't _cause_ accidents."

Artemis arched an eyebrow. "Your proof?"

Dang, the ace in the whole. "I just know."

"_Just knowing _doesn't qualify as evidence, Holly. You should know that." He sounded smug, and Holly threw herself onto the chair, scowling.

"And what's all that talk about Minerva?" Her voice soured further. "Explain yourself."

"I don't have to explain myself. Butler does, however." Butler glanced at Artemis while he poured tea. "Butler, why didn't you tell me Holly was here?"

Butler shrugged his massive shoulders. "She wanted to surprise you. Was I supposed to stop her?"

"Yes. I dislike being surprised, because the most surprises come from people trying to kill me."

Butler acknowledged the point, and returned back to the tea.

"So," Holly said, stretching like a cat on the sofa. "What's this huge important urgent meeting that made you have to call me in the middle of a mission?"

Artemis looked down. "I was bored," he mumbled.

Holly looked up in surprise. "Bored? That's what this is about? You're the least person in the world who should be bored."

"I know. I'm just bored." He met her mismatched eyes. "What do people do when they're bored?"

"Oh, you mean normal people, or geniuses?" She sounded irritated. It was difficult to get a visa above land, in the middle of the day too.

"Both," Artemis looked distant. "Minerva would've known what to do."

Holly glared at him from under her auburn fringe.

"Fine." She positioned herself on the back of the chair, wings and eyes closed. At last, she opened them and smiled.

"You have an idea!" Artemis said, pleased.

"Yes," she smirked. "We're going to organize a Christmas party."


	2. Chapter 2

**Wow. One night. That's fast. **

**I know Christmas is over. It's sad. :( Also, it means I'm running out of time. **

**What time? I've got no time at all! **

**R&R! And I know this has been done quite a few times, but hopefully I can pull it off. Which I can. **

Artemis Fowl was not usual found to be shocked. Right now, he was flabbergasted, horrified, stunned, appalled, aghast… You name it, he had it.

Mouth agape, hands half-flapping uselessly at this side, he finally managed to work his voice.

"_What_?"

Holly tucked an errant strand of hair behind a pointed ear. "You heard me. Isn't Christmas a time for most Mud Man to celebrate?"

"B…but…I-I…you…and… _What?_" Artemis gasped.

Holly chuckled, and waited for him to phrase his words coherently. It was almost worth scaring him like that to have the great Artemis Fowl stutter.

At last, he cleared his throat, and straightened his suit. "Holly, this is ridiculous, and you know it. I have almost never attended a Christmas party, and the last time I did was when I was _six years old_."

Holly opened her mouth to protest, but Artemis steam-rollered right on. "_And _as you are well familiar with, I am not socially adept. I cannot dance, cannot make small talk without intimidating my opponent, and prefer to have my Christmas delicacies in my room with my laptop instead of my swooning relatives. Most boys spend their free time playing their foolish games. I kidnap fairies and hold them hostage in my basement. What does this tell you about me?"

"That you need more practice making friends," was Holly's obstinate answer.

"I don't know how to _attend _parties, much less _host_ them," he groaned.

"That's why you have me," she snapped, retrieving the fallen newspaper. She flipped through several pages, eyes traveling almost as fast as Artemis's. A quick, calculating once-over and she tapped a page with a long, tapered finger.

"This," she declared.

Artemis had already settled himself back into the armchair, gratefully accepting the teacup Butler gave him. He tossed back the scalding liquid and threw himself back into the chair, fervently hoping that Holly leave _right this instant_, short of Butler throwing her out.

He closed his deep blue eyes, and then opened them again. He slipped a hand into his suit pocket, retrieving the Mont Blanc pen he carried with him always.

Holly's tanned finger was resting on an enormous picture. And below were words that swam in and out of focus before Artemis concentrated on them. And made a choking sound.

"Holly, please tell me you don't honestly expect me to waste hard-earned money"—Holly made a scoffing sound—"on _this_?" He drew a circle around it.

"Of course I do. Humor me this once."

Artemis made an irritated sound that sounded like vague assent. Good enough for Holly, as she picked up the phone and held it out expectantly to the irritated boy genius.

"What?"

"You're doing the talking, Mud Boy. My voice can be traced."

"Wonderful," Artemis said, knowing that it was just an excuse to make sure Artemis really did throw a party. After all, his voice could be traced too. He took the phone and spoke coldly and swiftly to the person-in-charge, before hanging up.

"Who do you intend to invite anyway? In case you have forgotten, I have no friends, short of those from another species."

Holly ignored his bitter tone, proceeding to rattle of a list of names. Artemis was beginning to think she had set him up—been planning this all along. "Foaly. Me. Trouble. Grub. No. 1. Vinyaya. Mulch." She blinked. "Anyone else?"

"Julius would have yelled at me for inviting him, yet I think he would come just to make sure I wasn't going to hold you all ransom." Artemis smiled wistfully.

"Don't be stupid. You can't… Oh, right. No. 1 and his time paradox?"

"Yes," Artemis's smile became less wistful and more determined. "And Juliet. Oh, and _Minerva_." The grin widened.

Holly stopped smiling and turned away.

Coughed several times.

Blinked away the burning in her eyelids.

Contemplated punching the Mud Boy.

But all she said was, "21 days, 11 hours, 26 minutes, and…" Holly briefly consulted the wall clock, "43 seconds. Get to work, Mud Boy."

_

* * *

_

When Holly had flown off, Artemis sank into the chair, rubbing his eyes. Holly had just managed to completely shoot down every single one of his arguments, and Artemis was not used to having his arguments shot down. _Must be too much tea, _he decided.

The workers putting up the decorations were coming tomorrow, and Artemis was dreading it. After that he would have to send _invitations_. He wished Juliet was here, but she was still performing as the Jade Princess. Although, maybe if Butler rushed her a little…

"Butler," Artemis said. Butler looked up. Master Fowl sounded almost…excited. That was worrying.

"Call Juliet. Get her over here as soon as possible."

Over steepled fingers, Artemis smiled a cool, vampire grin. And Butler felt the errant tingle on his back, that meant that Artemis Fowl the Second was up to no good.


	3. Chapter 3

Artemis was sitting in the Fowl study, occupying the enormous armchair usually reserved only for Artemis Fowl Senior. Surrounded by PowerBooks and iMacs and his thoughts, but his attention was fixed somewhere just above his interlinked fingertips. His back was hunched in thought, and behind him, Butler could sense his young charge's anxiety, and no wonder, for while Artemis had a lot of experience in kidnapping, subterfuge, thieving, grand theft auto, hacking, intimidating, and manipulating, he had no experience whatsoever in the area of party-hosting.

Today the decorators were scheduled to come in the afternoon, right after Artemis had lunch. Butler had conjured up Japanese fare, and it had been, as always, excellent, but not even the manservant's cordon bleu cooking could have in any way stifled Artemis's worry. And as it was, they were late. Artemis got up and paced the floor, occasionally stopping to tap his feet on the wooden floor and check his TagHeuer watch every few minutes.

According to the last time Artemis had glanced at his watch face, the decorators were 17 minutes late. Actually, thought Artemis, throwing an irritated look at the manservant, now they were 18 minutes late. 18 minutes, 27 seconds, and counting. The decorators had to be new. Although the Fowls hadn't patronized that particular outlet in at least 8 years, it was not likely anyone in that company would forget a trip to Fowl Manor. No, these men had to be new. And perhaps their colleagues had terrified them by regaling stories of the demons that inherited Fowl Manor.

The doorbell rang. Artemis raised his eyes skyward with a mixture of exasperation and mockery. _So they finally decided that nothing could get them out of serving the Fowls._ He strolled downstairs, taking his own sweet time—anything to antagonize the men who were going to be allowed to enter his house and wreck havoc—if they wished. It was not the best move, but Artemis had Butler, and Butler had guns. Big guns.

Passing by a mirror in the hall, he paused to straighten the tie of his trademark suit. Cool, demeaning, smug, domineering, and effortlessly superior. He smiled slowly, and then turned towards the door, waiting for Butler to open it.

Artemis almost burst out into loud laughter at the look of the men's faces when they took in the sight of the enormous human. But Artemis was a Fowl, and laughter was not something typically heard in Fowl Manor. Not until very recently.

They scurried in, not looking so butch after all. In fact, in the shadow of Butler, they look rather mousy. Artemis curled a lip.

They were done within the hour, which proved Artemis's earlier assumption that they were new. Normal workers would have finished in half the time, and made a lot less mistakes. He wrinkled his nose, tapping the colorful wallpaper. Holly was to come to help put up the Christmas tree, since Artemis did not want the decorators to do it, and also because he had read it up to be a good source of _bonding. _

Just as they were leaving, Butler almost shoving them out the door as they foolishly tried to weasel a few more dollars out of the Fowl heir—truly, had they learnt nothing? But they only saw a bossy, snobby kid, and that infuriated Artemis more than anything—Artemis felt a hum in the air, too soft for him to have picked up three years ago, but now he was particularly attuned to that hum, especially after Holly had surprised him the last time.

Just as the door slammed shut with the breaking of bones (prior to a few muttered grumbles) Holly materialized out of thin air. This time, Artemis did not start. He could sense her presence; almost _hear_ the vibrating in the air. Butler had probably known too, Artemis thought, but he decided not to reprimand the bodyguard like last time. It wasn't Butler's fault he had a little sister, although it was probably his fault that he had gone soft on the tiny people. Especially Holly.

Holly was sulking. There was a petulant frown on her face, and just as Artemis was about to ask what was bothering her, he was hit by a stroke of genius. This was not rare for Artemis Fowl, so when I say _stroke of genius_, I'm speaking by genius measures.

Artemis hadn't realized there was a wide grin on his face until Holly looked up, and said, "Oh no. I recognize that look."

Artemis schooled his face into an innocent expression, one that made him look like an innocent fifteen-year old. "What look?" he said, blinking wide blue eyes—he was still wearing contact lenses, Holly thought irritably.

Holly wasn't fooled. She uncrossed her arms. "What's on your mind, Mud Boy?"

"Nothing," he murmured, but as the grin was threatening to make a very violent reappearance on his face, Artemis just gave up. What was the point of fooling Holly, if she simple can't be fooled?

"Well, I've just thought that—"

Holly was not in the best of moods. Hence, her impatience could _almost _be excused. "Spit it out, Mud Boy, before I _mermerize_ you." This issued a grunt of warning from Butler.

"Won't you let me finish, Holly?" He smoothed over the creases in his pants, and said, "Seeing as you _forcibly _made me host a party—"

"_Forcibly?_" She snapped.

"Yes, forcibly. You're not dumb or deaf, Captain."

"Just get on with it," folding her wings and rubbing her fists over her eyes wearily.

"As I was saying, since you forcibly made me host a party, I'm going to ask for something in return."

"What?"

"I want you…to join me on a trip to France."

"_France?_"

"Paris, actually, but you can make a few quick trips to the other little cities if you want," Artemis said, smiling slightly. For Artemis Fowl, smiling slightly was a sign that he was overjoyed. And he was, since Holly had not put up a fight. Not yet. But it didn't matter, for in the mere split second it took for him to grab that brilliant idea for his thoughts, he had already formulated a plan—in other words, a perfect argument to win Holly over.

"Bu-but I can't go to _France_!" The elf sputtered.

"Why not? It has been so long since I've been to France."

"Because I'm a _fairy_. Sunlight burns. I would need a visa. I don't even _speak _French." She protested.

"We could go at night," he argued happily, confidently, assured of his winning, "And Foaly would do anything for you, as would Trouble Kelp. And I'm sure you haven't forgotten the fairy gift of tongues."

"But what will I _wear?_" Holly was grasping at straws, and Artemis knew it. Holly wasn't one to bother about apparel. "Anything you want," he replied, elated.

Holly gave a sound halfway between a groan and a snarl, and then sat back on her haunches in defeat. "Fine, Mud Boy. But when it blows up in your face, I'm the one who's going to be standing at the sidelines laughing."

Artemis chuckled. "Actually, nothing will blow up in my face, as Butler will be coming along, too."

"He will?"

"Of course he will. He's my bodyguard. How is he to guard my body if he is miles away?"

"Thank the gods," Holly breathed.

She kneaded her forehead, wondering how she had managed to get herself in such a mess within 10 minutes of entering Fowl Manor, and realized she shouldn't be surprised. This _was_ Artemis Fowl, after all. Then, "Wait. What did you mean by, _Trouble Kelp doing anything for me?_"

Artemis looked mildly sheepish. There was a slight flush on his cheeks. "I was spying on you."

"_Spying_ on me? How?"

"I piggybacked on Foaly's cameras. They're everywhere in Police Plaza, and of course with Recon and Retrieval for every mission."

Holly groaned. At least the Mud Boy had the decency to look ashamed, if anything.

But what Artemis said had got her thinking. How many times had Trouble offered to go with her on a coffee run? And how many times had he badgered Foaly to let him go on missions with her?

This day was turning out to be more stressful than she had previously imagined. Oh, dear.

The doorbell rang again, and Artemis tilted his head. "Juliet," he and Butler announced in unison.

_How did you know, _Holly asked silently. Artemis smiled. "Normally, I would have assumed that it was the decorators, back to demand payment to retrieve something that they have misplaced such as that wrench over there," Artemis gestured with a pale hand. "Of course, that is unlikely in itself, as they probably never want to set foot here again. Secondly, the person outside was humming Knocks You Down by Keri Hilson, in a distinctly feminine voice. Anything violent appeals greatly to Juliet Butler. Any Butler, actually. And, thirdly, Butler's face lit up." Artemis smirked, and Butler gave the Butler version of a blush, although he still didn't move.

"By all means, Butler," Artemis said, raising an eyebrow.

In half a second, Butler was pulling the main door open for the second time that day, but with a completely different expression. It was one of joy.

And then it was one of agony, because Juliet had grabbed him in a bear hug, then judo thrown him across the hall.

Butler landed lightly on his feet, hands raised, before lunging at his little sister to give her _his _bear hug and a few choice tickles. Juliet giggled, blocking, dodging, and Artemis smiled faintly as he watched on wistfully.

_Never part of the revelry, always in the sidelines. _

Artemis cleared his throat, and Juliet wriggled out of Butler's headlock and ran over to him, crushing his ribs in an embrace that if anyone else had done on him, Butler would have annihilated.

Artemis wrapped his arms tentatively around her, patting her back with such an uncertain, odd expression that Holly laughed. Butler cracked a smile. The concept of _hugging _was also still quite foreign to Master Fowl.

When Artemis disengaged from Juliet's hug with his bones intact, Juliet said, "So how goes it?"

Artemis smiled, snapping his fingers. "You will have to make invitations. Preferably in shades of green and red, but not too gaudy, and strictly _no pink_."

"No pink?" Juliet said, pouting. Then she blinked. "What invitations? Is someone hosting a partyf? Or is Artemis gonna bomb the Empire State Building?" She smiled at her own joke as Artemis turned an accusing gaze to Butler.

"You didn't tell her?" He said, annoyed. This wasn't the first time something like that had happened. First with the kidnapping of the People, now _this. _

Butler gave an embarrassed Butler shrug. "Your older brother is apparently afraid that you would laugh at him," Artemis deduced. "I believe that is what happened last time too."

"We are hosting a Christmas party," Artemis said bitingly. Juliet burst into raucous laughter, much to the genius's annoyance. He wasn't used to being laughed at. "It's not funny," the boy protested, which didn't help subside Juliet's gales of laughter.

"It was completely Holly's idea," he snapped.

"Ex-_cuse _me?" Holly said.

"Whatever," Juliet mumbled, coughing slightly. Butler's smile looked like it would break his face in two.

"Holly, Butler and I will do the Christmas tree, unless you think Holly should work with you on the invitations?" Artemis lifted a thin eyebrow.

"No, I'm fine."

"By, Holly, Butler and _I_, you actually mean just Butler and me, don't you?" Holly grinned.

"Indeed I do. And I will be drinking another cup of Earl Grey while you do it. The tree is, I believe, in the backyard."

Butler nodded and left the room. Juliet went upstairs to find the guestroom that she usually dominated—nothing had changed, thank goodness—so that she could print out the invitations, and that left Artemis and Holly alone.

For the first time ever, this silence was not full of certain death or warm reassurance, or resentful silence. It was awkward. The great Artemis Fowl the Second was at a loss for words.

Then, in a most uncharacteristic way, Artemis tilted his head upwards and yelled, "I don't want to find any _lace _on the invitations, Juliet!"

His demand was met with laughter what sounded _vaguely _like assent_. _Artemis rolled his eyes just as Butler lumbered in with the enormous tree. It got stuck through the doorway so Butler had to yank it through, and then drag it through the hall and into the living room. and Artemis was grateful that the living room had such a high ceiling. Holly looked ready to faint as it was. Elves took nature _very _seriously.

Artemis got up and went into the storage closet and pulled out an enormous box, staggering under the weight of it. His pale fingers struggled to maintain a proper grip onto the smooth cupboard, but in the end, he managed. At least until Butler dashed over to help his charge.

"Now," he said, dusting his hands off and soiling his expensive designer suit. "Let's decorate this tree and get it over with."

Artemis's job here was done.


End file.
